


take from me whatever you want, whatever you need (but lover, please stay with me)

by linkuus



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/F, it's really like angst but like in a fun sexy way, mitski voice give me one good movie kiss and i'll be alright, yall ever just...gone apeshitt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-19
Updated: 2019-08-19
Packaged: 2020-09-07 05:56:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,022
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20304565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linkuus/pseuds/linkuus
Summary: it's a week since yasha's been back with them after oban and the laughing hand, and her and beau are finally gonna talk about it. alternatively: dumb idiots talk about grass a little bit more





	take from me whatever you want, whatever you need (but lover, please stay with me)

“I uh....got you flowers.” Yasha looks up, her eyes landing on a nervously shifting Beau. “I know that flowers are like, a special thing to you. But I saw these and couldn’t not pick them or whatever. They’re kinda dead now anyway so...yeah.”  


Yasha reaches out for the flowers, a few of them crumbling in her gentle grasp. She winces at the sound. It’s only been a week since it all went down. Yasha was trapped in her body, the Laughing Hand and Oban were feeding her rampage. They killed so much. Jester said she wasn’t herself, that she was The Orphanmaker. But was she? What if she could have stopped it but she just didn’t try? How could she forgive herself? She remembers the moment she came back - Beau was right there. Beauregard. Covered in blood, sweat, and dirt, her face bruised and cut and Yasha knew she did it. Before she could even say sorry, Beau’s fist connected and she heard the bones in her nose crack. The pain was like a flash of bright light, and she collapsed. Not unconscious, no, just catatonic. She hurt her friends, she hurt Beau, she hurt families and innocents.  
Beau watched her fall to her knees, holding on to her legs as if she was all that was keeping her steady. She heard her friends behind her, the fight coming to an end as both Oban and the Laughing Hand fell. Yet, she couldn’t celebrate. Not with Yasha’s broken sobs, muffled by Beau’s own waist, and once unfurled almost skeletal, broken wings half unfurled. 

Then everything stopped. Yasha stood up and the anger in her eyes scared Beau. It wasn’t the same as when Oban made her turn, no. This was clear vengeance. Yasha walked over and pinned Oban’s dead body into the ground with the Skingourger. The sword buried so deep that the hand holds were only just visible through the demon’s gut. 

“Don’t. Fucking. Come. Back.” Yasha ripped the sword out, screaming out in a horrible noise as the blood sprayed. She whipped around to face her friends. She saw the horror on their faces. They were scared of her.

“Hey. Yasha? You’re like a thousand miles away. Like, mentally this time.” Beau’s voice is soft, half because the rest of the Nein are asleep, half because she doesn’t want to startle Yasha. There was a soft wind before Caleb put up the dome, rain was coming. Still, Yasha jumps. 

“Uh. Yeah, yeah Beau. I was just.....” She waves her hand, trailing off. Beau sits down, propping her arms up on her knees, and lets her hands dangle in the air, watching them as she tries to think of the right words to say. 

“I...We’re glad to have you back, you know.” Beau stares at the grass. 

“You don’t have to lie to me.” 

“I mean it.”

“I almost killed you. All of you. I wanted to.”

“That wasn’t you.”

“Wasn’t it?”

“No.” Beau finally looks up, her eyes immediately locking onto Yasha’s. “We saw you change. You weren’t our Yasha anymore. You were someone else.”

“Orphanmaker?” Yasha’s voice is quiet.

Beau nods and silence settles between them again. 

“I talked to him.” Beau mumbles, dropping her hands to absently pull out blades of grass.

“Who?” Yasha watches her. 

“Stormlord. I stayed up most nights listening to the rain. Hoping that like, I dunno, you’d just fucking show up in the lightning. Like you’d come home to us like you always did. But you didn’t, and one night the storm was bad. Like when you leave bad, so I stood outside. I didn’t know how to talk to him so I yelled, and the thunder boomed like it was listening. So I asked him where you were. If you were okay. If we could get you back. He said it would be hard, that you weren’t yourself. I asked him to bring you home, he said you’d return when you were strong enough.” 

“I-” Yasha cuts herself off. She doesn’t know what to say. She wanted to say a million things, but she couldn’t. “I’m not...strong enough.” She settled. 

“I think you are.” 

Yasha chuckles at that. “You have bad judgement.”

“I mean it. You’re a survivor, Yasha. You’re the strongest person I know.”

Yasha looks at the ground and starts pulling at the grass. She wasn’t good with compliments, especially compliments coming from Beau. Even more so now that she feels so guilty. Two times she’s turned on her friends and almost killed them, and two times it’s been Beau she sees first when she wakes up. She stays quiet, and Beau doesn’t push. 

Yasha digs her pale fingers into the ground, letting out a quiet sigh. She missed feeling the world around her, she’d been trapped in her body for so long.

“I missed grass.” Yasha says out loud

“I missed you.” Beau finishes at the same time. “-r company on watches because everyone else makes me take the watch alone because I’m ‘irritable’ or whatever.” Beau stumbles over her words, trying to cover up the admission. Yasha can’t help the smile that starts to spread at Beau’s clumsy attempt to hide her feelings. 

“You missed me?” Yasha reaches out, lifting Beau’s chin up with her thumb. There’s a soft thunder in the distance, but she ignores it.

“No I. Uh, I mean you’re just. You know, you talk and. Are there and you like. Make us complete and I missed having you around because I notice when you’re gone.” Beau somehow manages to get through the sentence alive, her neck and cheeks burning. She can’t look at Yasha right now, but she can’t really bear to look away. The thunder rumbles, closer.

A moment passes and Yasha just watches her, guilt all but eating her from the inside out. She doesn’t deserve this – she doesn’t deserve Beau, and yet.

“Beau.”

“Yeah?”

“What are you trying to say?”

“I – I don’t know.” The thunder is a little louder this time.

“Are you scared of me?”

“No.”

“Why not? You would be right to be.”

“You won’t hurt me.”

“I did.”

“That wasn’t you.”

“I think it was.”

“I saw you. It wasn’t.”

“I saw you, and I still tried to kill you.”

“You were being controlled by that demon fuck.”

“I was in there though. I wasn’t strong enough to break through. How can I be strong enough for you, for anyone? How can I be sure it won’t happen again?” Lightning strikes a few miles off, starting the soft, quickly thickening, rain.

“I won’t let it.” Beau moves closer, her heart pounding in her own ears as the rain picks up. “Stay.” She whispers, her voice almost soft enough to be drowned out by the storm.

“You can’t stop it. I think only I can.”

The storm is in full swing now. Yasha knows she has to go. She stands up, holding her hands out to help Beau up. Beau takes her hands and stands up. She’s never been awake when Yasha left before, she isn’t sure she wants to watch her walk away. They don’t drop hands as they leave the safety of the dome. They’re drenched in cold rain in seconds, a cold that seems to drive straight to their bones, and they watch lightning strike a nearby tree. 

“Find your strength.” The voice in the thunder rings out, and Yasha freezes. She wants to send Beau back into the dome, she wants to do this alone. But she can’t.

“I’m trying!” She yells, her hand gripping Beau’s tighter. “You aren’t helping! What do you want from me!?” The chains appear on her wrists, forcing her other hand close to the one interlocked with the other woman’s. 

“I’m so tired of fighting! Why can’t you just let me go?” Yasha sobs into the storm, ignoring the rain battering her face.  
Thunder crashes and she can feel herself being pulled away, towards the growing energy. Yasha screams. She screams with all her voice, and bears down, trying to resist the pull. The dead wings shoot out of her back in her struggle, and she locks eyes with a wide eyed Beau. 

“Yasha!” 

“Beau! I want to stay!” Yasha pushes forward as Beau lunges, the two of them knocking heads, noses, teeth, before their mouths connect. The kiss is rough and messy, it’s a goodbye kiss. A ‘I never told you how I felt and now it’s too late’ kiss. A kiss that makes them forget about the world around them. It isn’t until only one of Yasha’s hands is curling into Beau’s shaggy undercut does she realize she’s free. She pulls back with a short gasp, the storm no longer raging around them. With free hands she reaches up to cup Beau’s face, feeling a weight lifted off her shoulders. Beau’s eyes flutter open and she gasps out loud, her jaw dropped. 

“Yasha...” She mumbles, her voice full of quiet wonder. 

They’re both flushed and breathless, lips almost bruised from the kiss. Yasha stares at Beau, her wet hair plastered to her dark skin, having come undone from her messy top knot. Beau isn’t sure when it happened, but the familiar, albeit creepy, wings that Yasha usually sprouts have changed. They’re still black and broken, but they’re heavily spotted with white, soft looking feathers. And Yasha doesn’t know yet. 

“Your wings,” she says.

Yasha felt light, lighter than she’s felt in a while. She blames it on Beau. Beauregard, who absolutely did bite her lip and she may or may not be bleeding. But she didn’t care. Beau’s voice pulls her out of her thoughts. It takes a few seconds for her to process it, her brain feels scrambled from the kiss.

“Wings?” Yasha asks, confused for just a second before her eyes go wide and she wills them forward. Tears threaten to fall as she sees the white, more than she’s ever seen before, on the once desolate wings. She looks up, her eyes searching the sky. She did something right, she doesn’t know what it was, but the Stormlord has to be happy with her. The chains are gone andher wings changed. 

Beau watches Yasha look up, her mouth moving in a silent prayer. She wishes she could draw like Jester can because the look on Yasha’s face, the peace she hasn’t seen before, the angle of her jaw – everything about her, makes her wish she could capture the moment. And that’s all it is, just one moment before Yasha is looking at her again, a soft smile pulling at her lips. Her wings are gone, and Beau wishes she could have touched them. Would that be weird? She isn’t sure. Instead, she reaches out to brush her thumb over Yasha’s lower lip, laughing quietly as Yasha kisses it.

“You know, I’m usually not such a bad kisser. There was just like, a lot happening with the rain and your God and like, all the other shit.” Yasha laughs at that, raising her eyebrows. 

“Is that so?”

“Really. I can get Jester to message K–” Yasha’s mouth on hers cuts her off, this time less frantic and more deliberate. Beau isn’t sure who made the first step, but they’re heading back into the dome, neither of them separating long enough to really say anything else. When they finally make it back in, they lay down together, kissing and talking in hushed voices to not wake their friends.

“I really did miss feeling the grass,” Yasha whispers.

“The fucking grass.” Beau rolls her eyes, smiling.

They both drift off soon enough, between soft kisses and secret jokes, they knew everything was going to be different when they woke up. But, Yasha was still here. Yasha wasn’t leaving again, and something about that gave Beau more comfort than she thought possible.

(And when everyone wakes up in the morning, they let the two of them sleep in. Jester draws Beau and Yasha curled up together, Beau open mouthed drooling right on Yasha’s arm, Yasha seemingly unfazed by Beau snoring right in her face. )

**Author's Note:**

> hehe :-) (oh also im @beaulionet on tumblr come yell at me or somethin)


End file.
